Thinking in Public
About two months ago I was feeling anxious, and noticed that when I felt anxious: I'd go for my phone. Social media, email, whatever was there. The first thing I did when I got home from the chaos of the world, was open my phone.
So I deleted the social apps from my phone.
Social media is like smoking. Nobody actually likes smoking. But the addiction to nicotine means you have to smoke to calm the anxiety that comes from not having nicotine.
In volume, social media is anxiety-inducing. The scrolling, the what's-next, the am-I-missing-something, the colors, whatever it is. Cutting down was needed.
Then it started to creep back in. When I'd get home, I'd open my laptop and scroll on it through a browser. And I've got a 6-year-old who, the second she's bored, asks for Netflix.
So I deleted the internet.
The first day with no internet was weird. I had to ask ChatGPT for a plan of what do I do so I don't feel scattered as I go through the withdrawal.
This was the plan it gave me:
I did that for maybe 2 more days, after that I caught a flow in the house.
It took a couple of weeks, but this change really shifted the energy in our home. It's calmer. We're drawing and reading books instead of zoning out to a screen. Also my sudoku notebook is filling up fast.
That felt like something, so I kept going.
I've started biking and walking around the city without headphones — just listening to the city. I didn't realize how much anxiety came from "am I missing out on a podcast episode I haven't listened to" or "I need to find the right playlist for this ride."
I've also stopped using Google Maps. I know where I'm going. I know where things are in this city. I don't always need the fastest route — I just need to enjoy the ride. Five minutes longer doesn't change my life.
Riding a bike across the city on a summer day is a luxury. I don't need a map or music.
The anxiety we're all feeling is being induced by tech. The vibe in my house is different, I feel different.
In the future, we'll talk about this social media era the way we talk about smoking.
I'm sure anyone reading this can already picture what I'm describing. The hard part is the first step — deleting the apps, pulling the internet out of the house. And sitting in the discomfort of what do I do with myself.