Thinking in Public
Ten questions that skip the small talk. Start with: what is something you always wanted to do but never had the chance?
Small talk gets you nowhere. Weather, traffic, "so what do you do" — you can sit across from someone for an hour and learn nothing about who they are.
A good question does in two minutes what small talk can't do in an hour. It's just giving the other person a real door to walk through instead of a hallway.
Here are ten I actually use.
Start here — any one of these beats "how was traffic"
Ask one, then actually wait for the answer. Don't queue up the next question while they're still talking. The good ones come from listening.
Use your judgement on these. They're for when the conversation is already flowing and there's real chemistry.
I keep three of these lists: one for dates, one for meeting people, one for couples who've been together a while. Same idea each time — ask the real thing.